Do not, please, allow this column to come into the hands of children, for it contains, nay must contain, a confession of the most appalling and sordid nature. That young people must be warned against a fate such as mine I do not deny. But let me speak frankly to you, dear readers, that you may later pass on my message in a delicate way. For the simple fact is that I metabolize. Constantly.
I cannot help it. I dare not even try. Before getting out of bed, each and every day, I do it. Oxygen in, carbon dioxide out. There, in black and white, you have the hellish rhythm that dominates my existence. I breathe. Can you forgive me?
To grasp the full horror of my habit, consult a minister. Not of the church; no one listens to those duffers any more. Of the crown. Specifically federal Environment Minister Stephane Dion, who proposes to classify carbon dioxide among those substances formerly known as toxic under the Canadian Environmental Protection Act. Stern is his attitude, yet what price is not justified to keep others from sinking into my subhuman condition? Continue Reading →
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