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The 100 Books One Ought to Have Read

"If you wear the pin, send it back" Ottawa Citizen, July 4, 2008: If I had an Order of Canada I'd return it to protest the appointment of Henry Morgentaler. But of course people like me don't get that little white snowflake lapel pin. We're too divisive.

"The happy union of capitalism and technology" Ottawa Citizen, June 27, 2008: It's right there on the receipt. I just bought an 8 gig memory stick for 29 bucks. Makes you nostalgic for the good new days of unbridled capitalism, doesn't it?

"The thin gruel of politics" Ottawa Citizen, June 20, 2008: George Smitherman has again failed to produce his promised glorious 10-Year Plan for saving health care in Ontario. It's like sitting in a fancy restaurant with a mouth-watering menu and great prices but whatever you order you invariably get a long delay and a bunch of excuses -- and then they chuck deep-fried leftovers on your plate and charge you double. While you can change waiters and cooks once every four years, it seems you can never leave.

"Sorry doesn't change the facts" Ottawa Citizen, June 13, 2008: It is too easy to apologize for history. Sometimes it is necessary. But "sorry" doesn't make the past go away or let us substitute our imaginings for fact.

"The banality of spin" Ottawa Citizen, June 6, 2008: One problem with living in Ottawa is that if you go away you might miss something important. Especially these days.

"The private lives of politicians matter" Ottawa Citizen, May 30, 2008: Maxime Bernier burned his way through a promising political career amazingly fast. I don't know what this former future prime minister and sexiest MP in the House will do next. Maybe go tell his old Parti Québécois friends Anglos are too uptight, especially about sex. If so, list me among them.

"Protecting the throne" Ottawa Citizen, May 23, 2008: The Victoria Day long weekend produced the usual outburst of ill-mannered resentment at the monarchy. I'd say just ignore it, except for the harm three decades of presumptuous ignorance have already done to our constitutional order.

"New heights of hypocrisy on Burma" Ottawa Citizen, May 16, 2008: My enthusiasm for an amphibious assault on the Irrawaddy delta is extremely limited. I appear, once again, to be the weirdo.

"Curbing authority, the old fashioned way" Ottawa Citizen, May 9, 2008: Donald Savoie's new book on the breakdown of government in Canada will leave you both wiser and more worried. It's a worthwhile trade-off. But please also leave room on your bedside table for Jean Louis de Lolme's The Constitution of England. Not quite so hot off the presses; my final edition dates to 1784. But when a book this old is this relevant to modern problems you may be sure its author, too, got the fundamentals right.

"Expecting too much from Obama" Ottawa Citizen, May 2, 2008: Barack Obama has done the right thing in the right way by dumping America-hating Rev. Jeremiah Wright. True, he did it at the wrong time, but in politics you take what you can get.

"Actually, the Tories might have a point..." Ottawa Citizen, April 25, 2008: In the battle pitting the federal Conservatives against Elections Canada, the opposition and the press, a typical Ottawa competition to see who can perform most discreditably, my money was on the Tories. Until I made a crucial blunder: I did research.

"It's past time we started turning back the clock" Ottawa Citizen, April 18, 2008: My colleague Randall Denley wrote this weekend that if we consider municipal amalgamation in Ottawa a failure we should undo it. What a splendid heresy.

"Let the world go to China with eyes wide open" Ottawa Citizen, April 11, 2008: The sputtering Olympic torch seems to be leaving quite a trail of soot on its way to Beijing. But by far the largest smudge will be deposited on the host country, whose Politburo will one day rue its decision to draw the world's attention by hosting the Games.

"In Search of (Drug-Induced) Happiness" Ottawa Citizen, April 4, 2008: Do you know what I think every time I get into my car? "Hands up everyone who's on tranquilizers." I'm not saying people need drugs to drive badly. But it must help.

"Sadly, no one wants to play the numbers game" Ottawa Citizen, March 28, 2008: The new Ontario budget is a highly instructive document. And I don't mean that in a good way.

"If you reject Christianity, don't join the Church" Ottawa Citizen, March 21, 2008: It's Easter and time for the annual journalistic display of baffled hostility to Christianity. On cue the Roman Catholic archbishop of Ottawa, Terrence Prendergast, pops up with the suggestion that adherents to his church who don't actually observe its rules should not expect to enjoy all the benefits of membership. A predictable chorus of howls erupted.

"Parliamentary system in doubt" Ottawa Citizen, March 14, 2008: Apparently it's time to stick a fork in our system of parliamentary self-government. MPs just passed an Opposition money bill and no one cares that there's no such thing.

"Our shared parliamentary dysfunction" Ottawa Citizen, March 7, 2008: LONDON, England - The symptoms of parliamentary decline are by now unpleasantly familiar. I don't just mean the way Question Period, regardless of the subject or authenticity of the outrage, often prompts the reflection that brawling alley cats do have a certain dignity.

"Political succession, the old fashioned way" Ottawa Citizen, February 29, 2008: Can someone explain to me why Fidel Castro has been succeeded by his brother? Since when does communism equal hereditary monarchy? Ask Kim Jong-il.

"Even I'm rooting for Obama - sort of" Ottawa Citizen, February 22, 2008: Start practising the phrase "President Barack Obama." It's not so bad. Except as in "President Barack Obama denied today that his naive and spineless foreign policy has encouraged terrorism."

"The Archbishop's words" Ottawa Citizen, February 15, 2008: Rowan Williams should be fired as Archbishop of Canterbury for calling the arrival of aspects of Shariah law in Britain "inevitable" and desirable. But for once this silly man has actually done us a favour.

"No wonder governments stonewall" Ottawa Citizen, February 8, 2008: A lot of bad things have been said about the Harper Conservatives' grimly sour approach to communications. And rightly so. But why shouldn't they do it that way?

"How the UN enables hatemongers" Ottawa Citizen, February 1, 2008: The UN High Commissioner for Human Rights has effectively endorsed the destruction of Israel. Which tells you all you really need to know.

"Thank you, John Manley and Co." Ottawa Citizen, January 25, 2008: John Manley's report on the Afghan mission does a service to Canada. Which must be the primary criterion for judging it regardless of the difficulties it creates for various politicians or, for that matter, columnists.

"How capitalists are saving the planet" Ottawa Citizen, January 18, 2008: It's opera. My wife is listening to opera while jogging. The heroine will, one assumes, come to a tragic end. But the batteries won't, because she's using a digital player. On which, I trust, I can record the sound of environmentalists applauding the technological advances capitalism brings.

"I've seen this show before" Ottawa Citizen, January 11, 2008: Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. And you don't have to go all the way back to the Danegeld to get the experience. Try this Monday's release of the latest report by the National Round Table on the Environment and the Economy.

"Patient, heal thyself - since no one else will" Ottawa Citizen, January 4, 2008: Will there be an election in 2008? Gosh, it's so exciting. We journalists hope not because if one is called we’ll have to stop writing about whether it might be, which is more fun than dull stuff like health care policy. Mind you, we can cover an election like a horse race, then start speculating about the next one, so we're probably OK.

"A New Year's Resolution" Ottawa Citizen, December 28, 2007: Last year I suggested a jolly family-destroying New Year's game, Robson's Kith and Kin Kleanser, where you make resolutions for those close to you instead of for yourself. If you followed that advice, those close to you are a lot farther away now, leaving you ample free time to join me in another variant on the antiquated notion of self-improvement. This year let's all play my fun new game Political Promiser, in which we make a New Year's resolution for politicians.

"My typical Ottawa wish list" Ottawa Citizen, December 21, 2007: Dear Santa: This year I have been pretty good except for when I was awake and stuff so I'm hoping you can grant a few modest requests.

"Self-censorship? Me? Absolutely" Ottawa Citizen, December 14, 2007: What can I say about hate speech investigations into Maclean's magazine?

"Afghanistan's no quagmire, it's an anti-malarial swamp" Ottawa Citizen, December 7, 2007: With everyone off in Bali dealing with the urgent menace of global warming or panting over Karlheinz Schreiber's semi-revelations, might I interest you in some malaria?

"The slop on our trays" Ottawa Citizen, November 30, 2007: Wait a minute. What's this? While everyone's been standing on guard against two-tier health care it turns out we've got two-tier education. I want an expensive, restrictive, dysfunctional federal law and I want it now. Now now now.

"I've got a bad feeling..." Ottawa Citizen, November 23, 2007: Cassandra was my kind of gal. Unfortunately I can't find her statue anywhere on Parliament Hill.

"Crazy about ideas" Ottawa Citizen, November 16, 2007: One of the joys of writing opinion columns is imagining that every Friday, in countless government offices, keen analytical minds share my ideas with colleagues and suggest that I may be the most preposterous lunatic ever to chew through the straps and stagger to a keyboard. It makes me feel less alone.

"Erasing history, the Canadian way" Ottawa Citizen, November 9, 2007: So now we learn that "Radical Jack" was actually "Reactionary Jerk" and swiftly airbrush another page out of our national history. Take that, you dead white anglo male.

"When the auditor comes calling" Ottawa Citizen, November 2, 2007: The auditor general's report on how government money is being misspent was trumped on Tuesday by the Finance Minister throwing a bunch of it in your face. Welcome to modern democracy. But it's no way to run a railroad.

"From him we don't need lectures" Ottawa Citizen, October 26, 2007: Hey. I finally found a public policy problem I can solve. Let's tell Miloon Kothari to buzz off.

"Dusting off some thoughts on the right way to govern" Ottawa Citizen, October 19, 2007: Lately I've been enjoying Blackstone's thoughts on a mixed constitution. Oh sorry. Did I just blow a big cloud of antiquarian dust in your face? I was aiming for Dalton McGuinty.

"A crisis is coming, and no one cares" Ottawa Citizen, October 12, 2007: It is a melancholy reflection that we had to wait for the Ontario provincial election to lurch to a dismal end before we could turn to urgent questions of policy. Melancholy turns to depression at the urgency of health care reform. And tears begin to flow at the thought that the major parties' positions on that topic contrived to be at once irrelevant and profoundly inimical to any sensible solution.

"During election season, the zombies come out" Ottawa Citizen, October 5, 2007: With less than a week to go I'm wracking my brains for something constructive to say about this wretched zombie of an Ontario election. A dry, choking sound from within the voting booth doesn't seem to qualify.

"Fishing for an excuse" Ottawa Citizen, September 28, 2007: Today's column was going to lampoon the presumptuous incompetence of governments simultaneously micromanaging our affairs and bungling their own. But while diligently procrastinating, I discovered in the pages of a rival newspaper the hot new trend of online alibi retailer. Apparently I can e-purchase fake plane tickets, a real reel and a dead fish to prove I was angling for trout, not a deadline extension.

"In architecture, medieval is better than modern" Ottawa Citizen, September 21, 2007: How many events have I endured at the Ottawa Congress Centre? They blur together for various reasons including that it's a hideous venue. But if you tear it down, please don't replace it with something worse.

"Our parliamentarians dishonour themselves over veiled ruling" Ottawa Citizen, September 14, 2007: It is not entirely clear whether you can vote with a paper bag over your head in Canada. But our MPs should consider it.

"Before voting, ask these questions" Ottawa Citizen, September 7, 2007: With an Ontario election campaign about to start, what I really want to ask the main party leaders is, "Would you please keep your wretched candidates from ringing my doorbell?" Like Ebenezer Scrooge, I do not conduct my affairs in the teeth of inclement weather. And I'm insulted that you think I'd decide how to vote based on a prepackaged porch pitch without clarifications of the sort candidates do not give while cold wind blows through the doorway onto my dinner.

"Built-to-last should mean something again" Ottawa Citizen, August 31, 2007: While cement shatters across Quebec, Charlemagne's late 8th-century chapel in Aachen Cathedral still stands firm. Perhaps we could go there and say a prayer to our Lady of Reinforced Concrete that our bridges, overpasses and underground slabs keeping buildings out of subways will last 1/20th as long.

"A little humility would go a long way in today's politics" Ottawa Citizen, August 24, 2007: While I'm giving advice to politicians (and just try to stop me), might I recommend humility? As a partisan tactic, I mean.

"Unqualified candidates please apply" Ottawa Citizen, August 17, 2007: Now that we've discussed the heck out of whether there will be a cabinet shuffle, when, who's hot, not or forgot, and the optics of what actually did happen, can we talk about something else? Like the cabinet?

"Ten books for the budding politician" Ottawa Citizen, August 10, 2007: They say it's better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. It's not as much fun. Still, let me seek to dispel a bit of murk today with a list of 10 books on government that aspiring Canadian politicians should read.

"The truth about health care makes us sick" Ottawa Citizen, August 3, 2007: In a shocking breach of etiquette the Canadian Medical Association just proposed loosening the governmental stranglehold on health care before the patient, having turned blue, becomes completely unresponsive. Much virtuous swooning ensued.

"Weather prediction is a guessing game" Ottawa Citizen, July 27, 2007: Today's column is about global warming. Sitting down to write it made a nice break from all the hard physical chores we're tackling thanks to the unseasonably cool weather.Yes, unseasonably cool.

"Not bad for a boring crack slum" Ottawa Citizen, July 20, 2007: Apparently Ottawa is not just drab, it's also a crack den. I trust I will not be accused of mindless civic boosterism if I say things aren't that bad in the Ottawa I inhabit, which is mostly pleasant, with excellent stores and ready access to the outdoors. Maybe it's because I sometimes leave Parliament Hill and City Hall behind.

"We win peace by winning the war" Ottawa Citizen, July 6, 2007: The British doctors' plot certainly helps clarify things. I am glad the operation was a failure and the patients did not die for the obvious reasons. But also because it helps me discuss the merits of this botched atrocity.

"Canada isn't all that bad after all" Ottawa Citizen, June 29, 2007: As we prepare for a quintessentially Canadian celebration of our national holiday, hoping the long weekend traffic is not made intolerable by native blockades, I seek reasons to wave a flag. I've settled on the national beer glass being well over half full.

"Selective use of Latin gives us class" Ottawa Citizen, June 22, 2007: The University of Ottawa has decided to stop issuing diplomas in Latin because it's like not cool and hard to translate. Sic transit, I am tempted to say. But people might think I was talking about a Punjabi bus company, so I'd better settle for "whatever."

"No Eureka moment in this tepid political bath" Ottawa Citizen, June 15, 2007: Marshall McLuhan once said people don't read the morning paper, they slip into it like a warm bath. I doubt the recent Citizen series on parking tickets had that effect. But modern political documents certainly aim to. Take Ontario Progressive Conservative leader John Tory's health plan. Please.

"If you want to play politics, learn the rules" Ottawa Citizen, June 8, 2007: "Don't prorogue! Don't prorogue!" Believe it not, I was about ready to join Phil Fontaine, Gerry Barr and David Suzuki on the barricades under this singularly obscure slogan. Until I discovered that once again, the appropriate banner in Canada's capital these days is "Can't anybody here play this game?"

"Seeing no evil is an immoral policy" Ottawa Citizen, June 1, 2007: Suppose that somewhere in the world a repressive regime was not merely slaughtering practitioners of a peaceful religion but selling their organs. Should we try to do something? Besides ignoring it because they're good trading partners, I mean?

"Crumbling committees, crumbling Constitution" Ottawa Citizen, May 25, 2007: Parliamentary committees might seem the ideal place to die of boredom. Actually they're not that interesting … unless pathology fascinates you. The high point of my recent two-week period watching them was Tory MP Mike Lake telling colleagues trying to draft a bill, "This isn't a high school project here." If it had been, it would have fizzed a bit then leaked gunk onto the desk.

"Life is so odd that satirists can only applaud" Ottawa Citizen, May 18, 2007: Man, I never know what's going on. Bottled water went from status symbol to environmental faux pas and the smart set started sipping from trees while I was seeking a rhyme for "macchiato" because impersonal corporate giant Starbucks is now threatened by cosy neighbourhood coffee shops. How's a satirist to keep up?

"Suicide terrorism isn't 'progressive' politics" Ottawa Citizen, May 11, 2007: Thanks to reporter Don Butler in this week's Citizen, we know that some 20 Canadian "peace" activists just finished hanging out in Cairo with Islamist terrorists. It's both alarming and depressingly familiar. The question is, will people on the respectable left in Canada take a stand? Against, I mean.

"I have no recollection" Ottawa Citizen, May 4, 2007: Q: You are John Robson? A: I might be. Q: You are a professional journalist? A: If it says so on my tax return. Q: You have read stories about the Conrad Black trial? A: Arguably.

"Denial and blame in Aboriginal communities" Ottawa Citizen, April 27, 2007: In the decade since I began writing for the Citizen many things have changed. Not always for the better. But even on many issues where debate has not ended, the tone and specifics of 1997 would sound quaint. Except on my very first topic, aboriginal policy, where almost nothing has changed. And that's a tragedy.

"The problem is that we elect crummy politicians" Ottawa Citizen, April 20, 2007: Ontario is slated to hold a "historic" referendum this October on whether to discard our centuries-old system of electing representatives in favour of something called MMP or "mixed member proportional." Just say No. It's a bad solution to the wrong problem.

"No wonder everyone wants elected judges" Ottawa Citizen, April 13, 2007: The best and brightest seem shocked that nearly two-thirds of Canadians favour electing judges. They would not be if they grasped that ideas matter.

"Canada's other great battles" Ottawa Citizen, April 9, 2007: On the anniversary of Vimy Ridge we should remember not just one battle but a whole proud heritage in which Canadians saved the world. Twice. In freezing salt water and stinking mud. Our schools should teach students to be proud of the desperate struggles against German submarines in the North Atlantic in 1940 and 1941 and the slaughter in Passchendaele in 1917.

"Hysterical use of 'historic' blinds us to the real past" Ottawa Citizen, April 6, 2007: OK, this is weird. The battle of Vimy Ridge is almost as long ago now, at 90 years, as Napoleon's final defeat at Waterloo in 1815 was when Vimy was fought. It's almost like we're part of history and should try hard to remember why it matters.

"I have a bad feeling about Quebec" Ottawa Citizen, March 30, 2007: Call me weird, but I'm worried about the Quebec election. Not the result, but the fact that discussion of it is taking place in two, how shall I put it, solitudes.

"Vote buying has become the Canadian way" Ottawa Citizen, March 23, 2007: My bonnet is full of bees. My pet peeves constitute a menagerie. And I constantly grind a shed full of shiny axes. My excuse is they come in handy. For instance, I must wave three of them at the federal budget: Our Conservatives are not conservative, our governments are giant vote-buying machines and most politicians are too dim to grasp it.

"Dull swords used in cut and thrust of debate" Ottawa Citizen, March 16, 2007: What rude men. While my unfortunate wife pondered the substance of Tuesday night's Quebec political leaders' debate, I concentrated on their demeanour. It was appalling.

"Sympathy for the Devil" Ottawa Citizen, March 9, 2007: Hey everybody. I've thought of a way politicians can spend more money. On themselves, no less. They could spend millions hiring new staff. Isn't that swell?

"Don't insult one's religion - unless it's Christianity" Ottawa Citizen, March 2, 2007: Well, it's Lent, when Jesus-debunking news stories rise from the dead. This time it's a tomb with the whole family gathered, including his wife and kid. Unless it's just the dusty bones of decency and good sense in those boxes.

"Enough theory - let's see Kyoto in practice" Ottawa Citizen, February 23, 2007: Now that the latest UN report has ended debate on global warming (again), the alarmists must come up with a plan. Yes, I'm skeptical. But despite my own bouts of exasperation, I find all the shouting in public policy tiresome. So I decided to ask civilly what such a plan might look like. And it paid off.

"A peasant uprising, and I like it" Ottawa Citizen, February 16, 2007: The 17th-century French wit Francois La Rochefoucauld said we are even more offended by criticism of our tastes than of our opinions. On the 25th anniversary of the Charter of Rights, his remark is painfully relevant to the debate on appointing judges, in which the best people seem to be having hysterics about a peasant uprising.

"Oh, the shameless hypocrisy of politicians" Ottawa Citizen, February 9, 2007: "'Where the devil was the United Nations?' bellowed its former special envoy for HIV/ AIDS in Africa, Stephen Lewis, last week in Ottawa." So reports the latest Maclean's, describing Mr. Lewis's reaction to a report that 530,000 more children were infected by HIV in 2006. Well, he should know.

"If climate change is real, tell us what to do about it" Ottawa Citizen, February 2, 2007: Oh, dear. The debate on global warming just ended. Again.

"In this trial, the devil truly is in the details" Ottawa Citizen, January 26, 2007: More than 300 journalists are accredited for the trial of Robert Pickton, accused of murdering many prostitutes. The saturation coverage borders on atrocious pornography.

"Getting a control on spending" Ottawa Citizen, January 19, 2007: When I watch governments spend money, I frequently make the sort of naive observation that suggests I just fell off a turnip truck. Such as: To avoid a tax increase, Ottawa council has to stop big programs from getting way more expensive year after year. If they can't, they should admit it and explain why.

"The Lemming Diary" Western Standard, January 15, 2007: Western Standard's eye on Ottawa attends the federal Liberal leadership convention and then wonders why...

"When MPs cross the floor, it's democracy in action" Ottawa Citizen, January 12, 2007: MP Wajid Khan may not have been wise to switch from the Liberals to the Tories. But he was perfectly within his rights to do it.

"Court has created the mother of all parent traps" Ottawa Citizen, January 5, 2007: You thought I was kidding. On Sept. 6, 2003, when this newspaper endorsed homosexual marriage, I wrote a column ending "Beware: Those who call for nonsense will find that it comes." And now a court says a child can have three parents ... and counting.

"A New Year's guide to self-improvement" Ottawa Citizen, December 29, 2006: Hello! Congratulations on your purchase of Robson's Kith and Kin Kleanser, the exciting New Year's Eve game for the whole family to make sure there's no whole family this time next year. Works great on acquaintances, too. Horrible truths can be yours.

"Learning life's lessons from Moby-Dick" Ottawa Citizen, December 22, 2006: Well, it's Dec. 22 and I'm dreeeeaming of a white whale. Not, I hasten to add, because I hope for blubber in my stocking Christmas morning. Rather, certain news stories about the fragility of life remind me of a strangely encouraging passage from Moby-Dick.

"The Canucks in Canuckville" Fraser Forum, December 2006: The Canucks in Canuckville liked freedom a lot,/ But the Grinches who ruled from above them did not./ What Canucks called tradition they deemed mere delusion,/ What Canucks thought was freedom they renamed confusion.

"Time to cross the Rubicon and break Iraq in three" Ottawa Citizen, December 15, 2006: What would Caesar do in Iraq? I ask not only because it was in that region that Julius Caesar came, saw and conquered. I ask because Imperial Romans habitually thought clearly and acted decisively on geopolitical questions.

"Sadly, the Liberals know not what they do" Ottawa Citizen, December 8, 2006: Based on the record, Stéphane Dion's victory at the Liberal convention is not surprising. But it is troubling. And yes, I predicted it on the radio beforehand; any fool can be wise after the fact.

"Memo to the liberals: ditch activist government" Ottawa Citizen, December 1, 2006: MONTREAL - As the Liberals gather here to choose a new leader, I hope they'll also consider having a policy agenda. I don't mean a public-relations agenda with positions in place of policies. I mean some really substantive thinking about how to do things differently. I modestly suggest "Making Government Work."

"Harper's magic touch extends to Quebec question" Ottawa Citizen, November 24, 2006: Is it just me or is Stephen Harper a bit scary? Here's a guy who was behind the door reading economics when they handed out political cunning, blessed with immense lack of charisma, who wins the Alliance leadership, unites the right then beats the Liberals. Now he's plunged into the swamp of Quebec's nationhood and come out dry, smelling like a rose.

"All hail the inexperienced amateur" Ottawa Citizen, November 17, 2006: The election of Larry O'Brien as mayor of Ottawa proves you can fight City Hall. You may not win, but at least you can try. And it shows the seriousness of the crisis of governance in Canada that we no longer simply distrust those covetous of political power. We have also ceased, through bitter experience, to believe that their creepy fascination with government makes them any better at it than rank amateurs.

"Playing war games with innocents is cowardly" Ottawa Citizen, November 10, 2006: There is clear, uncontested evidence of war crimes in the latest Israeli incursion into Gaza. I expect arrest warrants for the Hamas leadership any day now.

"Sadly, political dinosaurs escaped the comet" Ottawa Citizen, November 3, 2006: People ought not to laugh at dinosaurs while putting their faith in governments. For vast and terrifyingly strong but clumsy and incompetent predators, what rivals the modern state?

"Principled outrage or just cheap partisanship?" Ottawa Citizen, October 27, 2006: "You ain't nothin' but a hound dawg." Before I became familiar with the oeuvre of the late Elvis Aaron Presley I vaguely assumed this song insulted a woman's appearance. Later I realized that Mr. Presley would not do such a thing and the song really is about a dog, which he despises because it won't hunt.

"Have hope, and children" Ottawa Citizen, October 20, 2006: Mark Steyn, counting out western civilization, has reached about "seven." In his new book America Alone, excerpted in the Oct. 23 Maclean's, he says the Islamists won't even have to kill us. We'll just die off for them. Except in the Great Satan, we can't be bothered reproducing ourselves because we've lost any reason for existing beyond transient pleasure. I say we may yet bounce off the mat.

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness in political life" Ottawa Citizen, October 13, 2006: Washington is all a-twitter over Mark Foley, the disgraced gay alcoholic Republican who had to resign over "overly friendly" e-mails to congressional pages. And while I just finished complaining about too much gossip in place of news coverage, there's a big issue here worth pondering. It's what The Wall Street Journal online's James Taranto has called "political hygiene": how well parties avoid things that they would clearly see were despicable if their adversaries did them.

"ENDP?" Western Standard, October 9, 2006: Is the venerable New Democratic Party going out of style like bell-bottoms and orange shag rugs? Plainly, left-wing politics is not entirely on the way out in Canada. But does the NDP risk replacement as the locus of left-wing thought and political action?

"Media insult us with leadership coverage overkill" Ottawa Citizen, October 6, 2006: Oh stop it. The newspapers are full of how Michael Ignatieff has 30 per cent of some semi-committed Liberal delegates, Gerard Kennedy must sprout French, Bob Rae may not be a portable catastrophe and Stéphane Dion ... zzzzz. Can I just say "Paul Martin"?

"One silly card game" Ottawa Citizen, September 29, 2006: Hello, all you idiots. Ready to do some dumb Christmas shopping?

"Gun bans benefit the violent criminal" Ottawa Citizen, September 22, 2006: Last week I thought it too soon to draw lessons from the shootings at Dawson College, the shock and grief too fresh. Now I want to try to draw them using old-fashioned "if/then" reasoning. I feel lonely on both counts.

"Nothing floats a boat like a good joke" Ottawa Citizen, September 15, 2006: Ahoy, me hearties. 'Tis almost talk like a pirate day. On Sept. 19, let's all say Arrr!

"Save us from windbag intellectuals" Ottawa Citizen, September 8, 2006: My colleague Susan Riley just returned from summer vacation dismayed that nothing had changed in Canadian politics. To be fair, we have sunk a few more inches into the mire, and at least we avoided sudden disaster. But our politics do seem to be suffering a peculiar vapourlock that, as so often, gets filed under "Ideas have consequences." Or, in this case, the absence of ideas.

"The real meaning of green" Ottawa Citizen, September 1, 2006: It wasn't really my preference to see Elizabeth May defeat David Chernushenko as Green party leader. I'm not sure she has the right stuff. But as a deepish ecologist, I hope my fears prove unfounded.

"The third way's third strike" Western Standard, August 28, 2006: Ten years ago, Tony Blair's triumph looked world-historic. He seemed like a real-life Jed Bartlet, TV's West Wing dream liberal Democrat with a social conscience, a Nobel Prize in economics and a backbone in foreign policy. And, philosophically, Blair's "third way" offered what progressives had long sought: anti-conservative politics that didn't spell immediate economic, social and diplomatic catastrophe. A decade on, Blair is in horrible political trouble (his press secretary has made it clear that Blair will resign sometime next year, at the latest) and his third way looks like the biggest bust since Y2K.

"The pain of home ownership" Ottawa Citizen, August 25, 2006: William Levitt, the American founder of prefab suburbia, once said "no man who owns his own house and lot can be a communist. He has too much to do." Perhaps. On the other hand, by the time he's finished doing it all he'll certainly be poor enough to become one. And possibly bitter enough as well.

"Rescuing defeat from the jaws of victory" Ottawa Citizen, August 18, 2006: Former Chinese Communist premier Chou En-lai's famous statement that it was too soon to evaluate the French Revolution never impressed me. Surely it is obvious that everybody lost. And while it really is still too early to evaluate the Lebanese war of 2006, it's clearly heading in the same direction.

"Sanctimonious killjoys are sweet on banning pleasure" Ottawa Citizen, August 11, 2006: Oh, here's a cheerful summertime story. You can buy your kid a T-shirt with "Sugar Free Baby" on it. If you're what the National Post’s Body & Health section calls "a vigilant yet playful" parent. It also works if you're a sanctimonious hovering killjoy.

"Wake up, Mr. Ignatieff, please wake up" Ottawa Citizen, August 4, 2006: Dreamland. It's a bad name for the Middle East. Dreamland, though, is a very good title for Roy Rempel's 2006 book about "Canada's pretend foreign policy." (Disclaimer: I helped edit it and have an ongoing relationship with the publishers, while Roy now works for Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day.) On reading it I added a "dreamland" category to my files and it gets bigger each day.

"Compromising freedom" Ottawa Citizen, July 30, 2006: Do our courts and human rights tribunals now threaten our freedom? This careful book by veteran journalist Rory Leishman soberly lays out the reasons for thinking they do.

"Lessons on the Middle East from unlikely sources" Ottawa Citizen, July 28, 2006: Aaaaah, summer. Time to lie back in a hammock with a cold drink and contemplate blood, devastation, death, war and horror with the aid of a few good books.

"Just Zone Out" Fraser Forum, July-August 2006: Would you like liberty with that latte? I ask because I see you're reading Jane Jacobs, the guru of living in cities that aren't totally horrible. What a great idea. Less dust, asphalt and engine noise, more vitality. Pedestrians. Bakeries. Kids. Yeah, I heard she just passed away at 89. But did you know she looked like a progressive, and protested like one, but really hated zoning? That's why we need to talk.

"This time, everyone sides with Israel" Ottawa Citizen, July 21, 2006: With the Middle East in flames and opposition parties accusing the Tories of an insufficiently nuanced approach to attempts to slaughter Jews, we can see clearly the wisdom of Ariel Sharon's withdrawal from Gaza.

"Why thing are strong, light, simple and reliable" Ottawa Citizen, July 14, 2006: Man, I feel like moving. It's the Forearm Forklift that did it.

"The dark side of Medicare's champion" National Post, July 11, 2006: The greatest Canadian of all time said we should sterilize mental defectives.

"It's no fun being right all the time" Ottawa Citizen, July 7, 2006: Well, I told you so. On what topic? Let me see: Kyoto, homelessness, federal involvement in social programs. No, I'm not trying to inflate my ego. If it got any larger I'd need a bigger house. I'm trying to make a point about political philosophy.

"Tommy's war on the weak" Western Standard, July 3, 2006: The greatest Canadian of all time said we should sterilize mental defectives. Wait. Before you report this magazine to the human rights commission, or press hate crime charges for attempting to glorify some neo-Nazi or antiquated bigot, you should know this: we're talking about Tommy Douglas. The Tommy Douglas. The New Democrat pioneer. The socialist icon. The father of our vaunted medicare system. The man voted the Greatest Canadian of all time by CBC viewers. His 1933 master's thesis in sociology -- "The Problems of the Subnormal Family" -- staunchly advocated eugenics in the most merciless terms. And almost nobody dares mention anything about it.

"Our national narrative, told properly" Ottawa Citizen, June 30, 2006: Happy Canada Day everybody. Despite that no-good low-down murdering rat Henry VII.

"Taxes are insane, and I'm going that way too" Ottawa Citizen, June 23, 2006: They say madmen don't laugh. So you see that I am not mad. For I laughed when I saw my property tax bill. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Here, look. I'm afraid you'll have to pick it up for yourself. I can't seem to get my arms out of the sleeves of this nice canvas jacket the men in white helped me into.

"Messing with the Constitution isn't reform, it's vandalism" Ottawa Citizen, June 16, 2006: What's left of our Parliament will probably recess for the summer before passing bills setting fixed election dates for the House of Commons and eight-year terms for senators. But don't pass out on me yet. Messing up our Constitution remains a lousy idea.

"We need uncompromising belief to win the war of ideas" Ottawa Citizen, June 9, 2006: My, what a big pile of ammonium nitrate they have. The better to blow us up with, I imagine. If so, they must be stopped, by persuasion where possible and by force where necessary.

"Letter to a foolish politician" Ottawa Citizen, June 2, 2006: To: The Hon. Michael Bryant, attorney general of Ontario Dear Sir: In a recent letter to my friend Dennis Young (reference #M06-01001) you explain that you asked the federal government to impose a total handgun ban because criminals may steal handguns from legitimate owners and, I quote you here, "No hobby is worth a life." I wonder if I might prevail upon you not to babble in this fashion.

"Embrace the discount card!" Fraser Forum, May 2006: Canada's federal privacy commissioner recently warned that stores give out bonus or discount cards so they can collect information on your shopping habits. What?!? Next she'll be telling me that not one of those 28 nice Nigerians really got my name from associates as a suitably discreet and honest partner for a brazen fraud. And here I thought they just wanted to give me money because of my winning smile.

"Rounding up the usual suspects in the Kyoto caper" Ottawa Citizen, May 26, 2006: The Old Man called me into his office and smiled his wintery smile. "Got a case for you," he said and handed me an empty folder. "Here's the McGuffin, kid. Kyoto. Missing."

"Ya gotta go back, not forward, for best rock ever" Ottawa Citizen, May 19, 2006: Last Sunday Citizen Arts editor Peter Simpson wrote: "There are certain titles that should be on every list of the best rock albums of all time, and if the titles are not there the list should be dismissed with a theatrical flip of the wrist." He then cited "Televisions's 1977 debut Marquee Moon" and Ow! My wrist! Never heard of it. Never want to. But don't you mess with my blue suede shoes.

"Who's the imbecile: Government or the average Joe?" Ottawa Citizen, May 12, 2006: Perhaps I seem cranky when I glare resentfully at a Hydro Ottawa pamphlet telling me I can use less energy by turning up the thermostat on my air-conditioning unit. If you think I'm so dumb I don't know that, what makes you think I'll understand it when you tell me? But my problem isn't too much black coffee. It's a government that truly thinks its citizens need constant guidance to function at all.

"Plenty of mercy, but no muscle for Darfur" Ottawa Citizen, May 5, 2006: After the Holocaust, enlightened people around the world said "Never again." They lied. I think they're lying again on Darfur. And hallucinating.

"Finally, a helping hand for bored lonely chickens" Ottawa Citizen, April 28, 2006: Singapore researchers just showed a Montreal conference their "Poultry.Internet" system whereby you can give your pet chicken an intercontinental cyberhug. O Brave New World, that hath such gadgets in it. At last we can begin to live.

"The ultimate conformist" National Post, April 25, 2006: As the federal Liberals search for the next Trudeau, an embarrassing revelation has emerged about the last one: He was not deep but silly.

"Distasteful, grasping and undignified chest-thumping" Ottawa Citizen, April 21, 2006: "A few more years will put us all in the dust," American founding father John Jay wrote to his wife after losing the 1792 New York state governor's election, "and it will then be of more importance to me to have governed myself, than to have governed the state." I’m not certain how I'd go about trying to explain this concept to modern Canadian politicians. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start in question period.

"Prosperity's Perils" Fraser Forum, April 2006: Why does the assault on prosperity in Canada seem to be such a shabby affair, especially intellectually?

"Obviously, the press is not trying to offend Christians..." Ottawa Citizen, April 14, 2006: You know it's Easter when the snow melts, little coloured eggs appear, some fool kicks the Easter Bunny and the media start running what I think of as their "Was Christ a black lesbian?" features.

"One of those chills everybody talks about makes me ill" Ottawa Citizen, April 7, 2006: Among the joys of a free society is a free press. You won't always like what you read, but you know everything will get covered whether you like it or not. Frivolous, alarming, it doesn't matter. It'll be there. Right? Huh? Guys?

"Yea verily, the truth shall make you flee" Ottawa Citizen, March 31, 2006: In those days Christian Peacemaker Teams went down unto the land of Iraq and made rude noises against George Bush. For hark, they said, is it not the voice of the Lord saying go ye and protest against those who have overthrown the bloody warmongering tyrant Saddam Hussein, which for a reason that passeth all explanation was not good?

"Ashley MacIsaac fiddles while the Liberal party spurns" Ottawa Citizen, March 24, 2006: Apparently Ashley MacIsaac plans to seek the Liberal leadership. Well fiddle dee dee.

"Don't bank on me" Fraser Forum, March 2006: Gosh. The government sure thinks highly of me. Jolly decent of them. And it's not just some politician slicking me up at election time. Instead, I'm pleased to say, the Canada Revenue Agency takes a view of my financial prospects as firm as it is favourable.

"Almost everybody could've greased the Canadian Tire Guy" Ottawa Citizen, March 17, 2006: As soon as I got to work the captain called me into his office. A missing person case. The Canadian Tire Guy. My partner was already there. Eddie Torrial. I'm a hack. My name's Friday. Not the man who was Friday. The man who writes Friday.

"Oh say can you sea, or, does that motto still wave" Ottawa Citizen, March 10, 2006: The Citizen series on how the Arctic is still quite cold says Canada needs a new motto. Satirists of the world unite. After all, we are funny in both senses. But given our equally famous passion for the bronze, let me try to come up with something worse.

"Big Brother meets even bigger citizen" Ottawa Citizen, March 3, 2006: Tuesday's Citizen says Big Nutritionist will soon put out a revised Canada Food Guide. Pardon me while I grocery shop without waiting for it. By what tortured logic did we reach the point that we expect our government to have an opinion on what we eat? Let alone a sensible one?

"New kid on the block will be famous one day" Ottawa Citizen, February 24, 2006: There's a new kid on the block. He might look kind of dorky, but I think one day he'll be famous. I refer to the new Institute of Marriage and the Family.

"Extremists' threats justify publishing the cartoons" Ottawa Citizen, February 17, 2006: It is not pleasant to be forced to choose between seeming rude and seeming cowardly. I resent being put in this position. But in sorrow and in anger I have changed my mind about those Danish cartoons. Thanks to Muslim radicals, republishing them is now the only way to show we will not be intimidated.

"'Emerson shuffle' is distasteful, but so is banning it" Ottawa Citizen, February 10, 2006: David Emerson's spectacular defection right into the Conservative cabinet hurts. Especially because the obvious solution won't work. But at the risk of switching suddenly to the optimists, I do offer some hope.

"Truth in sentencing? How about truth in politics too?" Institute for Canadian Values, February 4, 2006: Both Aristotle and Samuel Johnson called courage first among virtues because without it we exhibit the others only when convenient. But I venture to place truth a close second. Unless we dare call things what they are we may misapply or feign the other virtues, including bravery. The first use to which we should put courage is to call things by their right names.

"Some questions for Muslims" Ottawa Citizen, February 3, 2006: Apparently the Hamas Charter says: "The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him salvation, has said: 'The Day of Judgement will not come about until Moslems fight the Jews (killing the Jews), when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him. Only the Gharkad tree, (evidently a certain kind of tree) would not do that because it is one of the trees of the Jews.'" Is this true?

"Hamas win no surprise" Montreal Gazette, January 28, 2006: The newspapers tell me Hamas won a surprise victory in the Palestinian elections. I must have missed that. They also say Hamas can be domesticated by European diplomatic chitchat. I missed that, too. Finally, they say this result is a catastrophe. I missed that as well. Someone needs to pay more attention.

"Electoral paralysis is only a symptom of our main maladies" Ottawa Citizen, January 27, 2006: My mother once heard a man stagger off the golf course gasping "Thank God that's over." Doubtless he played again soon. So shall we, politically.

"Behind the spin" Western Standard, January 23, 2006: The 2005-06 election features the curious sight of the major parties running hard with the usual partisan fervour, but without platforms. Each knows its policies are best. It just doesn't know what they are. Except the Bloc. Yet voters can still get some sense of their programs from the early days of the campaign.

"A cage of his own for rational man" Ottawa Citizen, January 20, 2006: Recently a South African bandit decided a good place to hide from security guards was the Bengal tiger's enclosure in the zoo. I wish my friend and colleague Dan Gardner had been there to see it before homo economicus, the rational individual of economic analysis, wandered into his cubicle and was equally messily devoured.

"Horror flick provides relief from leaders' debate" Ottawa Citizen, January 13, 2006: Right after the second English leader's debate I watched the end of Boris Karloff's 1932 The Mummy. The stilted speech, the atmosphere of gloom ... it was a relief to get away from that to some classic cinema.

"An Unlikely Romantic" Ottawa Citizen, January 6, 2006: Dalton McGuinty as Byronic hero? I don't know if I'm bad or dangerous to know, but news stories like this make me strongly suspect I'm going mad.

"Those who forget the past can't predict the future" Ottawa Citizen, December 30, 2005: Another year has passed and you and I are lucky to be alive. I mean that in both senses. It's amazing that so many of us made it through 365 more days of the horrifying human condition, and it's a tremendous privilege to have done so.

"Finally, a good time to read the Pickwick papers aloud" Ottawa Citizen, December 23, 2005: Ahhhh. It's Christmas time. Gather round the fire, kids, and listen to Uncle John drone on about the good old days. And plan some more.

"Efficiency: It Doesn't Amount to a Hill of Beans" Fraser Forum, December 2005: If I were to oppose dropping tins into the food bank bin as inefficient, I could become unpopular. But it's all a misunderstanding.

"No wonder our politicians don't know how to govern well" Ottawa Citizen, December 16, 2005: Oh boy. It's the leaders' debate. Time for beer and popcorn. Uh, make that pablum. And a hanky.

"Is Narnia Christian? Do lions roar in the woods?" Ottawa Citizen, December 12, 2005: Almost from the moment it became known that a serious effort was under way to bring Narnia to the big screen, people have been debating whether Disney would trash the Christian message, or transmit it faithfully. We bring good tidings. This is indeed the Lion of Judah.

"The Lion, the Witch and the Obvious Meaning of the Text" Ottawa Citizen, December 9, 2005: Aslan's roar will shake Narnia to its foundations today as The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe fills the big screen. My own roar is nowhere near as impressive, but I will nevertheless roar it at anyone who still claims he is just one more talking lion.

"Politicians bewitched by their own press releases" Ottawa Citizen, December 2, 2005: King Canute never thought he could stop the tide. Back in the Dark Ages, when literacy was as rare as white teeth, people weren't that stupid. Nowadays, however, we seem to think we can stop carbon dioxide with a regal and self-congratulatory wave of a press release.

"Politicians should discuss policy before leaving office" Ottawa Citizen, November 25, 2005: What's the matter with elections? If we can't discuss ideas, can we at least discuss why not?

"Who needs values?" Institute for Canadian Values, November 23, 2005: Wouldn't it be easier, and more civilized, to discuss matters of common concern without them? No. In fact it would be impossible.

"Elections fascinate connoisseurs of deceptive dullness" Ottawa Citizen, November 18, 2005: As Canada echoes to the squawk of the running politician, I proudly lay before you Robson's Field Guide to Elections. Hey, it beats Infrastructure: A Field Guide to the Industrial Landscape, crammed with fascinating regional variations among fire hydrants, airport approach lights and clamshell grapples. Or maybe not.

"Some must risk their lives when others choose death" Ottawa Citizen, November 11, 2005: If ye break faith ... On Remembrance Day we remember, first and foremost, the men and women who fought for our freedom. Whatever their specific experiences, all risked physical or mental destruction on our behalf and it is a debt we must acknowledge because we cannot repay it. Except, as John McCrae said, by remembering why they fought and by catching the torch.

"Generalizations about Americans are generally ridiculous" Ottawa Citizen, November 4, 2005: My next business venture will be T-shirts saying "I went to North Carolina and got spots." What? You don't want to buy shares in the company? But I really did get spots, and it was great.

"If Beta had been better we'd be burying it now" Ottawa Citizen, October 28, 2005: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to pay our last respects to VHS. Friend, colleague, practical joker, cut down by digitalis. Thanks for the memories.

"Tories lack policies, principles -- and hope of winning" Ottawa Citizen, October 21, 2005: The Tories' latest brainwave, the Citizen reported Wednesday, is "they'll only topple the government with the NDP's help." You're trying to drive us mad, aren't you?

"Why a house is worth less because it's worth more" Ottawa Citizen, October 14, 2005: You know the old gag about how your house is making more money than you are? Well, I can go one better. My house isn't just making more than I am, it's making it at my expense. Because my property assessment just went up, so did my taxes, reducing the price a prospective buyer would pay. In short, my house is now worth less because it's worth more. Government has a special magic all its own.

"Scotland has a lot to do to woo me back 'home'" Ottawa Citizen, October 7, 2005: Hoots mon. What's the story here? It seems the Scots want me back. Och Aye it's a braw brach moonlicht nacht the ...

"Back to the future in a world that's flat" Ottawa Citizen, September 30, 2005: The other day, my wife confessed to someone on a train that she admired George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld. He replied she was in a distinct minority in Canada.

"It's time to put politicians' schedules on a diet" Ottawa Citizen, September 23, 2005: Guess who's coming to dinner? It looks like Joe Volpe, Joe Volpe and Joe Volpe. He'll be having the trouble. But is that us in the kitchen?

"It's not Mulroney who's been slimed by Newman" Ottawa Citizen, September 16, 2005: Two men fall into the mud. One comes out. I think it's Brian Mulroney. His tone is unpleasant, but not surprising. But who expected Peter C. Newman to publish such a lurid, uninformative, sin-of-detraction "Gotcha!" book?

"Water, water everywhere, and many lessons, too" Ottawa Citizen, September 9, 2005: As the floodwaters recede, the first priority is taking care of the displaced; the second is recovering, identifying and burying the dead. Then comes rebuilding New Orleans and, one hopes, retrieving from the slime and debris some common sense about the lessons of this catastrophe.

"Helmets off to the troops in green" Ottawa Citizen, September 3, 2005: Canadians are so out of touch with the military some don't know a warrant officer from a brigadier general. Uh, including me. Within five minutes of reaching the media trailer on a recent visit to CFB Petawawa, I greet Gen. Gary O'Brien as ranking below a lieutenant. Strange. The media relations people seem tense.

"Our next governor general exposes our mediocrity" Ottawa Citizen, September 2, 2005: Michaëlle Jean may yet prove an excellent governor general. But her appointment has dramatically underlined a major source of pervasive mediocrity in Canadian public life. Because clear thinking about Quebec tends to be alarming, our politics is dominated by people who don't think very clearly.

"Reservists get a gritty look at realities of 21st-century military operations" Ottawa Citizen, August 29, 2005: PETAWAWA - As dawn broke over the misty rivers and forests of CFB Petawawa Friday, two platoons of Cameron Highlanders boarded Griffon helicopters for a simulated attack on a rebel-held bridge. It was the high point of a massive week-long exercise, literally and figuratively, for nearly 100 reservists from Ottawa.

"Why the left shouldn't hope for U.S. failure in Iraq" Ottawa Citizen, August 26, 2005: To suggest that liberals ought to be careful what they wish for may amount to locking the door of a stable that never contained a horse. Let me nevertheless try to explain to them the concept of "unintended consequences" with regard to Iraq.

"Sitting by the lake, with nary a keyboard in sight" Ottawa Citizen, August 19, 2005: Even as you read this, I will not be looking at a computer screen. I will be looking at a lake. And thinking about Jews.

"Ancient beauty: Why Jerusalem is not just a famous city, but a nice one" Ottawa Citizen, August 13, 2005: Jerusalem is not just a city on a hill. It is also a light unto the nations. Thanks to wise municipal ordinances, especially a requirement inherited from its British colonial administrators that resulted in most buildings being made of, or at least clad in, tasteful Jerusalem stone.

"Maxims for Michaëlle" Ottawa Citizen, August 12, 2005: It is not immediately obvious that Michaëlle Jean is a poor choice for governor general. But there are certainly pitfalls she will have to avoid to confound the cynics.

"Those 'brilliant' terrorists" Ottawa Citizen, August 5, 2005: Why isn't the "war on terror" going better, people ask? I'm not convinced things are that bad, even in Iraq. What were they expecting? But one problem I have recently discovered is that the terrorists are way smarter than us. I learned by reading newspapers that, especially in the London bombings, those plotting mayhem against us are so brilliant we need a special word to describe it. They are "masterminds."

"How Canada could learn a language lesson from Israel" Ottawa Citizen, July 30, 2005: The attractive young lady says "shalom" and right away I know I'm in trouble. I'm just entering El Al's special security screening, as much psychological as technological. And I can't decide whether it's polite or patronizing to respond with the only word of Hebrew I know (which is also "shalom"). It's a very Canadian moment. In the face of elaborate precautions against international terrorism and anti-Semitism, I'm paralyzed by a language issue. And uneasily aware that standing speechless at El Al security with beads of sweat forming on your forehead is not a promising start to a trip.

"The left on China: see, hear and speak no evil" Ottawa Citizen, July 29, 2005: Woo hoo. Gonna have a nuclear war. Tens of millions dead! Countless cities laid waste! Bring it on. Yee haw.

"Golf is more like religion than I thought" Ottawa Citizen, July 22, 2005: The newspapers tell me there's a line of golf balls with Bible verses on them. It is a pleasure to return from the Holy Land and find this teed up for me. It's like a little bit of manna on a tiny white stick.

"Cellphones mean never having to give your number" Ottawa Citizen, July 19, 2005: Do you realize I've never even made a phone call on my computer? Or owned a BlackBerry? But Og have fire. Og modern. Og see future coming. Og worried.

"No Mideast plan can ignore Israel's security needs" Ottawa Citizen, July 15, 2005: JERUSALEM - The problems of the Middle East are clearly horrendous. But by coming here, I have learned something important. And bad. The events of the last 12 years have convinced a significant portion of Israeli public opinion that "there is no one for us to talk to on the other side." How would you like me to persuade them otherwise?

"A weekend at Walsingford" Ottawa Citizen, July 10, 2005: If the stress, heat and noise of modern urban life are getting you down, how about a little Summer Moonshine? Relax with P.G. Wodehouse in the bucolic calm of Walsingford Hall in the county of Berkshire, where the sun is shining, the inhabitants are puttering about playing tennis, reminiscing about the old days in Poona, and bathing. Uh, except young Tubby Vanringham, just icily informed by his ex-fiancee that the houseboat has been rented and its tenant "will not want to look out of his window and see strangers – fat strangers – hurling themselves past it."

"We must fight them because they're evil, not weak" Ottawa Citizen, July 8, 2005: So it comes. A major terror attack against a key U.S. ally, accompanied by wild rhetoric. What are we going to do about it?

"Look back in anger, or a history lesson before its time" Ottawa Citizen, July 1, 2005: Good morning, class. Last week we examined how the rich trove of artifacts from ancient Egypt still presents serious problems of individual interpretation and overall meaning. We turn now to the equally puzzling case of Kannada.

"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!" Ottawa Citizen, June 24, 2005: Go ahead. Make my list. Those savvy folks at the American Film Institute just released their 100 top movie quotations of all time and I think it could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

"The Supreme Court is taking over the role of Parliament" Ottawa Citizen, June 17, 2005: My goodness. What has the Supreme Court done now? I said some time ago, pace Kaspar Gutman in The Maltese Falcon, that one never knew what it would do next except that it was bound to be something astonishing. Taking health policy away from Parliament certainly qualifies.

"Ten books you may not like, but really should read" Ottawa Citizen, June 10, 2005: Well, here's a summer reading list from hell. Human Events, an American national weekly newspaper, just asked 15 conservative scholars to rank the 10 most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. Great. Now I have to run out and get the four I haven't read.

"It's the complexity, stupid" Ottawa Citizen, June 5, 2005: In 1944, amid the roaring of the guns and the Keynesians, an obscure economist named Friedrich Hayek published an obscure book called The Road to Serfdom. Widely ignored, occasionally ridiculed, it transformed public debate by demolishing the very concept of economic planning.

"Two no's that spell the end of a 'Europe' that never was" Ottawa Citizen, June 3, 2005: The defeat of the new European Union Constitution in a French referendum should send a lot of clever people back to the drawing board. Or possibly the atlas.

"You would have expected some results after 50 years" Ottawa Citizen, May 27, 2005: Might I interest you briefly in politics? Oh dear. What a rude word. Besides, if you follow public affairs at all, you are already immersed in the stuff. Which is odder than it seems. Why are newspapers so full of politics and government? Do you ask what else they would contain besides public matters? But there's the nub of my gist. Why does "public" so often mean "political"? Why aren't there more stories about our common life that aren't about government?

"Three-ring circus on the hill" Ottawa Citizen, May 20, 2005: Canadian politics has become a circus complete with clowns, tawdry sideshows and even a heartbreaker in a glamorous costume. It's amusing for the peanut gallery, but a tough life for the participants and an increasingly bad deal for the audience.

"Beyond Mariposa" Ottawa Citizen, May 15, 2005: Stephen Leacock is one of those things you're supposed to cherish if you're Canadian, like Margaret Atwood or the Commissioner of Official Languages. I don't care. I like him anyway. His acute sense of the absurd, his keen ear for language and his fearless inventiveness make him a true comic genius.

"Have confidence in our constitution and the rule of law" Ottawa Citizen, May 13, 2005: Is there a government in the House? Hair-pulling squabbles should not erupt among adults over whether a non-confidence motion swept Paul Martin out of office earlier this week. It is not a matter of theatrics or spin. Governments that can obtain from the House the revenues necessary to their program command its confidence; those that can't, do not. That's all there is to it, and all there needs to be.

"Define conservatism: Read the 1953 book that changed America's way of thinking" Ottawa Citizen, May 8, 2005: The conservative mind? In 1953 it didn't even seem to exist. When Russell Kirk first published The Conservative Mind: From Burke To Eliot in 1953, the New Deal meant prosperity, the United Nations meant perpetual peace and scientific sociology meant true human fulfilment. The book was absurd, even impudent. And very successful.

"I like my politicians to admit that they're politicians" Ottawa Citizen, May 6, 2005: It is, without qualification, good that the four federal party leaders found a way to put aside their quarrels and attend ceremonies marking the 60th anniversary of VE-Day. So, definitely with qualification, is Paul Martin's explanation of the decision: "I think we've got to put politics aside," he told reporters. "This is simply too important." He accidentally said something profound which, in his profession, is about the only way it happens.

"A politician's entire raison d'être is to play politics" Ottawa Citizen, April 29, 2005: And they're off. No wait, they're not. The Layton horse seems to be nuzzling the Martin horse. Uh, now he's ... biting him? As for the good-government nag, I think it was put down years ago.

"Get ready for a near-miss experience, 24 years from now" Ottawa Citizen, April 22, 2005: We cannot destroy the Earth. Regrettably the reverse appears not to be true.

"I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job..." Ottawa Citizen, April 15, 2005: As the narrator of Russell Kirk's ghost story The Invasion of the Church of the Holy Ghost wanders the sordid main drag of his decaying parish, a neon sign above a stripper bar flashes "Stark Naked or Your Money Back." What a slogan for our times.

"Those who don't 'get' religion didn't get John Paul" Ottawa Citizen, April 8, 2005: Pope John Paul II is dead, but his challenge is very much alive. Cynics might struggle to explain all the fuss over an admittedly charismatic old Polish guy in a funny hat who talked to God a lot. The rest of us are confronted with the possibility that there might be truth. Or rather, that there must be.

"There's no good reason to mix a man with a monkey" Ottawa Citizen, April 1, 2005: Are you ready for the humanzee? If not, you'd better start preparing, because something's simian over there in the lab, and it involves human-animal hybrids.

"Parents, don't let your children do what I am doing" Ottawa Citizen, March 25, 2005: Do not, please, allow this column to come into the hands of children, for it contains, nay must contain, a confession of the most appalling and sordid nature. That young people must be warned against a fate such as mine I do not deny. But let me speak frankly to you, dear readers, that you may later pass on my message in a delicate way. For the simple fact is that I metabolize. Constantly.

"I wish they had picked me to rewrite the Odyssey" Ottawa Citizen, March 18, 2005: "(I)n what's being described as the most ambitious international publishing venture ever -- the modern rewriting of dozens of ancient myths by the world's leading novelists ... (Margaret) Atwood is reinterpreting the epic Trojan War-era tale of Odysseus and Penelope. She intends to turn the telling of the 2,500-year-old Greek classic upside down with a heroine-centred narrative called The Penelopiad." - Ottawa Citizen, March 15

"The Opposition should start thinking like an opposition" Ottawa Citizen, March 11, 2005: The state of our democracy is not encouraging. The Liberal "natural governing party" looked so tired at its convention that even its friends could wish we had an alternative government in waiting. Yet the Conservative Party is quite evidently unready to govern in practice. What is less appreciated is that bad ideas are at the root of its problems.

"Read Bede: Wasn't he a monk or something?" Ottawa Citizen, March 6, 2005: Legions of authors have felled vast forests in pursuit of literary distinction. Most get sawdust, some receive gold, and a far smaller band find lasting fame. But only one got "Venerable." And not just as an occasional or even frequent compliment: The father of English history, author of 731's hot read A History of the English Church and People, is invariably the Venerable Bede. One feels guilty for not knowing why.

"The herd mentality is why you can't find a doctor" Ottawa Citizen, March 4, 2005: Suppose I told you Canada had too many doctors. You'd think we urgently needed at least one more psychiatrist, right? Well, we might as well get our heads shrunk if we're not going to use them a bit more on crucial public policy questions, including health.

"For a real shock, turn to page 258 of the federal budget" Ottawa Citizen, February 25, 2005: What can you say about a Canadian federal budget? Now hold on. This is a family newspaper. But I think you can say "Gosh darn, what a disappointment." Spending is at the heart of governing and the budget is at the heart of spending. So why was I just handed another travel brochure about the Big Rock Candy Mountain instead of a proper balance sheet?

"What went wrong" Ottawa Citizen, February 20, 2005: John Kenneth Galbraith is a big subject in every sense: 96 years old; occupant of prestigious academic and public positions from an early age; bestselling author of more than 40 books; six-foot-eight. And Richard Parker's John Kenneth Galbraith: His Life, His Politics, His Economics is a big book. With, like its subject, much superficial appeal but too little substance.

"Liberals need a reminder about the role of parliament" Ottawa Citizen, February 18, 2005: It is good to hear that Canadians are wise and selfless while Americans are dumb jerks. Especially watching U.S. politics move from one large issue to another, such as structural repairs to Social Security to forestall catastrophe in 2037, while we bicker endlessly about how every province can get more money from the federal government than it contributes. Or our Kyoto Plan, which was due Wednesday but it seems the dog ate our homework.

"Five things you need to know when the inquiry calls" Ottawa Citizen, February 11, 2005: Oh oh. The summons has come. You have to testify before a commission of inquiry. You have done nothing wrong, of course. At least, nothing worth mentioning. Well, nothing anyone was so foolish as to write down. So you're completely innocent or, failing that, innocent enough for government work. Still, in view of pitfalls dug for you by people insufficiently appreciative of your long years of devoted public service, you deserve a few hints on how to avoid them. No need to thank me. In public, I mean. On an unrelated matter, my consulting firm offers first-rate oral briefings on various matters relating to public relations for, well, what price good advice when the national interest is at stake?

"Bow down and proclaim fealty to the almighty charter" Ottawa Citizen, February 4, 2005: Canada's Parliament just reconvened. It might seem a singularly inauspicious time to discuss proper self-government. But I must protest the growing conviction that it is not only wrong but offensive to think the majority should set the ground rules for our political life.

"We didn't elect the government to be our conscience" Ottawa Citizen, January 28, 2005: In case you were busy this week counting your wives or playing "Where's Adrienne" (hint: don't look in Alberta), I'd like to draw your attention to a story in last Sunday's Citizen saying the federal government spent a cool $25.4 million on opinion polls last year. I think they're up to something.

"The world should be thankful for the United States" Ottawa Citizen, January 21, 2005: Thank goodness for the United States. At his second inauguration yesterday, George W. Bush might seem to have gazed out at a world alienated by his unapologetic use of U.S. power. Certainly on his recent visit to Ottawa, jeering protesters tried to suggest he and the country he rode in on are uniformly despised here. But they aren't and shouldn't be. For without America we would truly be in the soup. Or die Suppe.

"Equality of rights doesn't mean all of us are equal" Ottawa Citizen, January 14, 2005: One nice thing about being conservative is that you get to rely on established, unchanging truths. In liberalism, by contrast, notions dismissed as absurd in one generation have a disquieting tendency to become grim orthodoxy in another. Take equality ... please.

"The tsunami teaches us a lot about our own mortality" Ottawa Citizen, January 7, 2005: My first reaction to the Asian tsunami was that it's not the sort of thing to have opinions on. When a giant wave suddenly sweeps some 150,000 people to their deaths you're horrified, you make a donation to the relief effort, and you contemplate your own mortality. But there aren't really two sides to it, are there?

"Through a glass darkly on a voyage through history" Ottawa Citizen, December 31, 2004: Well, you can wrap 2004 up. But you can't take it with you. Instead, it's going where all the years go when they cease to be this year, the dusty heap called history. I wonder what history will make of it.

"Enjoy your sprouts and leave the carrots for Rudolph" Ottawa Citizen, December 24, 2004: Well, Merry Christmas, everyone. May all your Rudolphs be red-nosed and may you have as much eggnog as you desire. Though not one drop more.

"Policy is an afterthought for too many politicians" Ottawa Citizen, December 17, 2004: One very strange thing about Canadian politics is how many people are so keen to govern yet have so little interest in how government works. You would be surprised, and offended, if your car mechanic spent years seeking his job, then popped your hood and went "Whoa Nelly, there's a lot of wires in here." So why do we take it in stride from our politicians?

"Some books are worth reading again for the first time" Ottawa Citizen, December 10, 2004: Now I'm bitter. I'd always hoped a magazine or upscale liquor firm would ask what I'm currently reading as part of a profile of me as hip and urbane. Right now my list is as impressive as it could ever be, and finally someone asked. But they asked George Jonas, as he boasted in this space on Monday. He's not even reading any novels.

"Once upon a time, when to protest meant something..." Ottawa Citizen, December 3, 2004: A Citizen headline the day the U.S. president arrived said "Demonstrators organized quickly for Bush visit." Yeah, I bet. Demonstrations are now mass-produced. They think they're raging against the machine, but they're actually part of it. Call it McProtest.

"We need a time of goodwill, but not two months of it" Ottawa Citizen, November 26, 2004: We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry... CLICK. For crying out loud, it's November.

"Build a better cockroach and, well, I'm not sure" Ottawa Citizen, November 19, 2004: The way technology is developing, soon we'll have R2D2s just about everywhere, if we don't watch out.

"And John saw that it was good" Ottawa Citizen, November 9, 2004: And the lamb lies down on ... the Outaouais. Yes, the Outaouais. Or at least at the Casino du Lac Leamy theatre.

"It's a myth that George Bush's win was hard to predict" Ottawa Citizen, November 5, 2004: Pardon me while I do an end-zone victory dance. Oooga chacka!! Oooga chacka!! Bush Bush Bush! (Now please imagine me doing a back flip and not landing on my head.) Not only did my candidate win, but I predicted his victory in this newspaper three weeks ago. A PhD in U.S. history didn't keep me from understanding why George Bush was more popular than the chattering classes and polls suggested. And by roughly how much: Exactly two weeks before Nov. 2, I predicted on the radio he'd win 281 Electoral College votes. Thank you. And on that basis, let me explode some myths about American politics.

"On November 2, Americans vote - and vote - and vote" Ottawa Citizen, October 29, 2004: The U.S. presidential election has become so obscure we may not know who's going to win for weeks afterwards. Its dynamics are unbelievably murky: John Kerry looks weak in some states (Michigan and Hawaii) that should portend a Republican landslide, yet is doing well in others (Ohio and Pennsylvania) that should have Mr. Bush packing for the ranch.

"On principle, if this is Friday, it must be Belgium" Ottawa Citizen, October 22, 2004: You know, I have nothing against Belgium. And not much for it. I read once that it has only one forest left, which depressed me. Still, I'd be willing to check the place out if given good reason. But I'm not holding my breath. Any more than I am for an articulate, coherent and salable platform from the Conservative party.

"America's Democrats are losing an uphill battle for votes" Ottawa Citizen, October 15, 2004: With the economy slumping and the war in Iraq booming, the Democrats face the Nov. 2 elections with only two significant disadvantages: foreign and domestic policy. It's enough.

"Health care is chronically ill from central planning" Ottawa Citizen, October 8, 2004: Man, somebody better prescribe some sedatives here. No sooner did the Ontario government offer an extra $50 million in physician service payments if doctors cut the cost of the Ontario Drug Benefit Program by $200 million than it was denounced as "despicable" and "immoral." But how can people swear undying allegiance to the notion that governments should set incentives in health care, then hit the hospital roof when governments set incentives in health care?

"The best nine cents we ever spent" Ottawa Citizen, October 6, 2004: You've gotta love the new $20 bills. I for one would happily accumulate an unlimited supply of these beauties. But even from a distance they offer an instructive lesson in security. And I don't just mean financial.

"Some things just don't deserve the old college try" Ottawa Citizen, October 1, 2004: It seems you can now get a carrot in the team colour of Texas A&M University, namely maroon. It doesn't concern me directly because I'm a University of Texas man and as our colour was orange we always had carrots that matched. But if the lack of purple carrots had become a major quality-of-life issue, it surely raises the old question of whether too much money can be bad for you.

"Canada's cities can be less ugly" Ottawa Citizen, September 29, 2004: Admit it, our cities are hideous. Our homes may be nice, along with the occasional building and some of the parks. But generally speaking, the roads, buildings and parking lots are horrible. And you know, cities didn't have to look like this.

"Someone must be truly deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize" Ottawa Citizen, September 24, 2004: The 2004 Nobel Peace Prize will be announced Oct. 8. With what forgettable twit will the committee poke George W. Bush in the eye? Who should follow in the footsteps of Albert Gobat, Carl von Ossietsky, Lord Boyd Orr? Perhaps a search party.

"An order of fries with your culture" Ottawa Citizen, September 22, 2004: It's Bud the Spud, from the bright red mud, goin' down the highway smiling. Actually it's not. Bud was from P.E.I., while Potato World's spokes-spud is from New Brunswick. But both bring a welcome, earthy reality to SimCity or whatever virtual community you inhabit.

"Unlike the first ministers, I admit when I am wrong" Ottawa Citizen, September 17, 2004: In August, I predicted the televised first ministers' health summit would be a vacuous exercise in feel-good rhetoric. I was wrong. It was highly revealing. These guys even do fake badly.

"A tale of spin, not spin-offs" Ottawa Citizen, September 15, 2004: The Canadian International Development Agency was just caught in a bit of a fib. It claimed to know that, by distributing vitamin A in the Third World, it had saved 1.5 million lives. But auditors say the agency didn't count, it just ran a computer model. Bow your heads, O people: You stand in the presence of social science.

"Honesty's the best policy if you follow it honestly" Ottawa Citizen, September 10, 2004: As the ad says, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Thus two American academics gave college freshpersons a few minutes to meet each other on the first day of class, and found nine weeks later that people who had initially liked or disliked each other mostly still did. I took one look at that story in the Citizen and said "Yeah, it figures.'' It still does.

"Television has ruined our... you know... um... whatever" Ottawa Citizen, September 8, 2004: How can TV be so moronic? I said HOW CAN TV ... Look, would you please turn that thing off? Thank you. I'm serious. And no, I'm not seeking suggestions for new reality shows.

"Playboys and hot pants - in Latin" Ottawa Citizen, September 3, 2004: That wacky pope. Iucundus est, nonne? Over at the Vatican, where they speak Latin for fun and official business, an institute Paul VI founded in 1976 has produced a new lexicon of terms for things like hot pants, punks and computers that weren't around back when Caesar was crushing the Parthians or people were faking their own deaths to escape Nero's ghastly poetry recitals. Regrettably, the actual terms they've invented sound as though they were produced by a committee. Which they were.

"In Oregon I hit the roof" Ottawa Citizen, September 1, 2004: PORTLAND, OREGON -- Would you like weeds with that roof? Or perhaps a parking lot bioswale? If so, Portland, Oregon, is the place for you. And me.

"America's recent history is woven into rock 'n' roll" Ottawa Citizen, August 27, 2004: CLEVELAND, OHIO -- 'Hello Cleveland." Perhaps not everyone recognizes that line from the classic rock mockumentary This is Spinal Tap, though people often shout it when they enter Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But as they point out at the Hall, virtually everyone on Earth knows rock music. And not just here: NASA's 1977 Explorer carried a Chuck Berry song. It may be only raucous roll. But as our museum guide rightly noted, it's the one universal art form, and you can't write a history of 20th-century culture without it. Including the transformation of race relations in America. One day it may even reach the beer industry.

"Buckeye ballots could beat Bush" Ottawa Citizen, August 25, 2004: CLEVELAND, OHIO -- It all comes down to Ohio. Whoever wins the Buckeye State will win the presidency. At least, no Democrat has reached the White House without it since 1960, and no Republican ever. Unfortunately it's too close to call.

"Put this in your child's PDA and co-ordinate it" Ottawa Citizen, August 20, 2004: Let's see. What's in my personal digital assistant (PDA, in case you live in an unwired cave) for today? Oh, right: "15:13 to 15:18:30: Go mad, in belated effort to keep up with world." I put it in after reading in Wednesday's National Post that PDAs are de rigueur for elementary school children. Oh, the sweet memories.

"Happy thoughts won't cure us" Ottawa Citizen, August 18, 2004: Oh boy. I can't wait. No, not for another bronze medal. In less than a month, Paul Martin sits down with the premiers and reveals in front of the TV cameras his sure-fire secret plan to fix medicare for a generation. I do hope it's not just "Think happy thoughts."

"The Olympics should return to their pre-hype days" Ottawa Citizen, August 13, 2004: And they're off. The Athens Olympics begin today (except soccer, which started earlier but doesn't count as it's so dull). Can I offer anyone a big old helping of wild celery?

"Canada's great and not-so-good" Ottawa Citizen, August 11, 2004: While I was away for the weekend (you can't leave some people unsupervised), Canada's best and brightest gathered to ponder this weird "religion" thing for the first time in the Couchiching Conference's 73 years. They even invited an adviser to U.S. President George W. Bush. Then they heckled him. How embarrassing is that?

"Paul Martin has yet to prove he's our prime minister" Ottawa Citizen, August 6, 2004: Is Paul Martin the prime minister? The question might seem absurd; it says he is on government websites and if you pick up the newspaper it will say "Prime Minister Paul Martin" (or, in the National Post, "Paul Martin, the Prime Minister"). And I have no doubt he was prime minister prior to June 28 and for some time thereafter. But it is increasingly in doubt.

"The polite way to eat a hot dog" Ottawa Citizen, August 4, 2004: On the 100th anniversary of the World's Fair in St. Louis in 1904 you will, I trust, forgive me for devouring a hot dog right in your face. Sorry, did you find it (b-r-a-a-p) rude of me to eat in front of you? Next I suppose you'll be joining the Campaign for Courtesy. Gobble gluck munch. (Toss wrapper in street.)

"Students need a summer break" Ottawa Citizen, July 30, 2004: Oh great. Here's an idea for school reform so bad it's bound to prevail. Get rid of summer vacation. Yup. There's a winner in the anti-fun, make-life-dismal sweepstakes. Coming soon to a faculty of education near you.

"Sticks and stones might hurt Iran" Ottawa Citizen, July 28, 2004: Our government is weighing its options with regard to Iran. Against a feather, I suspect.

"Here's a sneak peek at Canada's latest reality TV show" Ottawa Citizen, July 23, 2004: He's not a politician solving Canada's health-care crisis, but he's going to play one on TV. Yes, that's right. It's Paul Martin, whose latest brain wave is to summon Canada's premiers to a historic health summit starting Sept. 13 and televise the proceedings to discourage posturing and spin and encourage frank discussion of the real situation and of the possible need for hard choices. It dices, it slices, it ... Sorry.

"Watch yer backs, gardeners, I'm on to youse" Ottawa Citizen, July 21, 2004: On the surface Bytown's a friendly, peaceful, normal kind of place. The sort of burg where you'd settle down, raise a couple of taxes, keep your dog away from the water and license your cat. But behind the facade of white picket fences, language squabbles and carefully maintained balls of red tape there's a dark underside of corruption and decay, where self-indulgence is a way of life, respect for the law a bad joke, and the smell of mulch all too familiar.

"Arthur sinks the Titanic at Troy in Patriot Love of schlock" Ottawa Citizen, July 9, 2004: Across a misty Avalon lake a barge glides gently over dark waters though no wind stirs its sails. Within, in shimmering armour, lies King Arthur, fatally wounded by a movie camera. On shore, three knights discuss his fate.

"Supreme court tries my faith" Ottawa Citizen, July 7, 2004: In The Maltese Falcon, Kaspar "the Fat Man" Gutman tells Humphrey Bogart's detective Sam Spade, "By Gad, sir, you are a character. There's never any telling what you'll say or do next, except that it's bound to be something astonishing."

"For argument's sake, draw your own analogies" Ottawa Citizen, July 2, 2004: When the Athenian statesman Phocion gave a speech that the public applauded, Plutarch claims, he turned to some friends and asked, "Have I inadvertently said something foolish?" How many politicians would ever have such a reaction today? Yet how many should? I sure missed Plutarch during this election.

"If you thought parliament was dysfunctional before..." Ottawa Citizen, June 30, 2004: Now it's time to govern. Oh dear.

"Strategic voting is hindered by the new election law" Ottawa Citizen, June 25, 2004: The 2004 election definitely calls for strategic voting. Not because it's this election but because it's an election. All voting is strategic. The question is whether your strategy is good, bad or ugly.

"Our guardians need guards, too" Ottawa Citizen, June 23, 2004: There was a time when no one would call satisfactory any political philosophy that could not answer Juvenal's classic question Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Unfortunately, we have since had so much progress that we have trouble just understanding it, even if it is asked in English: "Who shall guard the guardians?"

"The lesson of large mutant orange cauliflowers" Ottawa Citizen, June 18, 2004: If you ask me, the leaders debates would have been greatly improved by the presence of a large orange cauliflower at one of the podiums. Cynics might say they would have been greatly improved by almost anything, including a sudden loss of electrical power in the hall. But I am in earnest. And no, it's not science fiction.

"Some kind words for rhetoric" Ottawa Citizen, June 16, 2004: If you watched the federal party leaders debates you may have felt as though you were subjected to "a bunch of rhetoric." If only.

"Politicians struggle to evade the taint of morality" Ottawa Citizen, June 11, 2004: Apparently we're not supposed to discuss moral issues during an election campaign. Which only leaves immoral ones, I suppose. Or perhaps amoral. Would it be wrong to ask why?

"A mixed record for the Gipper" Ottawa Citizen, June 9, 2004: Paul Martin says we will remember D-Day long after the participants have passed on. Perhaps. But let's practise on an easy one: Let's try to remember, four full days after his death, what Ronald Reagan did and didn't do. He drastically reduced the Soviet government, but not the American one.

"How a decades-old law has neutered our parliament" Ottawa Citizen, June 4, 2004: Isn't it strange that we're not discussing sex-change operations?

"A taxing issue for our cities" Ottawa Citizen, June 2, 2004: Allow me to interrupt the glowing promises of politicians and wall-to-wall coverage of polls with an actual issue. As a public service, to insomniacs and voters alike, I'd like to suggest that cities should get to raise more taxes.